Since the Kansas City Chiefs didn’t have the chance to visit the White House we’ll pretend they eventually get that chance but let’s have fun and think how Joe Biden would welcome the Chiefs.
Joe: “It is my honor to welcome to the Rose Garden the 2020 Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Kings!”
Lackey: “It is the Kansas City Chiefs not the Kansas City Kings!”
Joe: “Don’t tell me I’m wrong I was just talking to Sam Lacey in the Blue Room bringing up our days of finishing 1st and 2nd in our law school graduation class!”
Lackey: “Well I’m sorry sir but the Kansas City Kings are an NBA team that moved to Sacramento and have never won a championship”.
Joe: “Don’t give me that bull, facts should never get in the way of a great story. Let’s talk about the great comeback they had scoring 21 points in the 4th quarter to win the Super Bowl. When George Brett hit that 3 run homer and Freddie Patek turned that spectacular double play I practically leapt from my wheelchair and applauded. And when Dan Quisenberry closed it out I told myself that team has heart!”
Lackey: “That was the Kansas City Royals , a baseball team, not the Chiefs!”
Joe: “The Royals? I told you to tell Harry and Meghan they were invited. Hell we are paying a million dollars a day to protect them so they better come!”.
Lackey: “Never mind Joe, let me introduce you to the Chiefs Super Bowl winning coach Andy Reid”.
Andy: “It is truly an honor you invited us to the White House to celebrate our Super Bowl win”.
Joe: “Me and Randy Reid go back a long ways. He was coaching the Delaware Green Hens to multiple championships during my early days as a Senator from Delaware. I even remember when he was that big fella on the early days of Monday Night football in that punt, pass, and kick competition. During that time when I was in California running the Black Panthers with my best buddy Bobby Seale.
Andy: “You’re just being modest as usual Joe, I admire such a hard working family man like yourself”.
Joe: “Speaking of families how is your son Garrett doing?”
Andy: “Unfortunately Joe Garrett is no longer with us”
Joe: “You mean that dog faced pony soldier Trump just killed him with the Covid? Once this Covid is over Randy I am raising your taxes and am going to get Schiff to charge Trump with murder!”
Lackey: “Let’s move on Joe, I would like you to meet Super Bowl winning quarterback Patrick Mahomes”
Patrick: “It is an honor to meet you sir”
Joe: “Patrick you are one talented kid, firstly how difficult was it to beat out Lenny Dawson for the job?”
Patrick: “Well sir Lenny was the QB for the Chiefs over 50 years ago, I have been the starter for the last 2 years”
Joe: “I have to admit Patrick I did make a big bet on the Super Bowl concerning you. I bet that you would throw for over 5,000 yards in the game. I thought it was a sure thing and bet $500,000 and was wondering why my son Hunter decided to book the bet himself”
Patrick: “You are one funny dude Mr. Biden”
Joe: “By the way Patrick did I only get half a vote from you? HAHAHAHAHA!!! You know if you didn’t vote for me you aren’t black! I guess that means I only got your Dad’s vote! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Patrick ”You can eat shit Joe!”
Joe: “I told you I can talk trash with the best of em!”
Lackey: “Joe let’s meet the rest of the team”
Joe: “Looking at this group I guarantee you I got a lot of votes! You make sure in the future that we will never invite an NHL team, damn white illegals from Canada and Europe!”
Lackey: “Joe, please meet all pro wide receiver Tyreek Hill”
Tyreek: “It is an honor to meet your sir”
Joe: “You know Tyrone I remember watching you play some unbelievable football for the Crimson Tide and your great coach Dick Saban”
Tyreek: “Well sir I actually played at West Alabama never played for the Crimson Tide or Coach Saban”
Joe: “West Alabama, that reminds me of my days of Freedom Riding and me leading the Civil Rights protesting in the South. Do you remember the time I went right up to George Wallace and bitch slapped him right in the middle of the Capitol Building? I single handedly changed all of the segregation laws in the South”
Lackey: “Please meet the Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker”
Harrison: “It is an honor to meet you sir”
Joe: “Harrison I remember your Daddy Dick Butkus being just a ferocious linebacker for the Chicago Bears, he was something else!”
Lackey: “His last name is Butker not Butkus”
Joe: “Don’t lie to me, I know I am right! I’ve been watching the NFL for the last 500 years! Hell I taught Bill Walsh the West Coast Offense and the Buddy Ryan 46 defense”
Lackey: “Please meet the owner of the Chiefs Clark Hunt. His Dad was one of the founding members of the AFL”
Clark: “It is an honor to be here sir”
Joe: “Hello Clark, I remember the old days of the AFL. I had quite a few runs in with Jimmy Hoffa and the AFL. Myself and Bobby Kennedy single handedly took down all of the gangsters in organized labor and I took out Hoffa myself”
Lackey: “No Joe, not the American Federation of Labor, the American Football League”
Joe: “The American Football League? There was once 2 different football leagues? Did the Blue Hens ever win a championship in the AFL? I remember as a youngster my Daddy & I driving 800 miles to the Rubber Bowl in Akron and watching the AFL. Besides the AFL I won 2 Soap Box Derby’s in Akron and was given a key to the city”
Lackey: “Finally to wrap up our wonderful ceremony is the Commissioner of the NFL Roger Goodell”
Roger: “Nice to see you again Joe, I guess I now win the award for the biggest phony”
Joe: “You’re damn right Roger, I am regarded as super cool and the young people love me!”
Roger: “You are funny guy Joe, maybe one day you will make $40 million a year”
Joe: “Listen Goodell, your league will get zero funding from the government if you don’t change the Rooney Rule to the Biden rule. The Biden rule is that the league has to be 100% black by September 1st. If the NFL is not 100% black by September 1st I will personally see to it that you and that ultra white m’fer Tom Brady serve jail time!”
Roger: “Please no Joe, I love the NFL, will 50% off on a PSL do the trick?”
Joe: “Well you know me Roger, I would never shake down anyone for any favors. Being a lifelong politician I have never lied about anything. We have a deal Roger! Can I get a PSL for Hunter as well?
Roger: “No problem, I can even possibly get Hunter a job as offensive coordinator for the Jets!”
Lackey: “That will conclude our Ceremony, anyone wanting to give their Super Bowl ring to Mr Putin please come see me”